Ven a ganef kisht darf men zich di tsein ibertseilen.

Almost Amused Confusion

I am  befuddled by the conflicting requirements of some of my favorite detractors, and yet, I often find myself, while in the midst of said confusion — entertained. I can always use a good laugh. As they say, with enemies like these, who needs friends?

The folks I speak of are the various and sundry organizations and groups who make it their mission in life to promote a derogatory view of my people. They are otherwise known as “antisemites” or “anti-Zionists”.

Yes, I realize that the Arab peoples are also descended from Shem and thus are “semites” in the etymological sense. However, this term, which gained wide usage in the 1800’s in Germany, referred exclusively to the hatred of Judaism and the Jewish people. With that in mind, I’m addressing the expectations imposed upon the “the Joos” by anti-semites. So, to all devoted antisemites out there, please…I need clarification of these expectations. I mean, if I don’t understand, how am I to comply? (scratching head)

Here are a few assertions made by anti-semites that demonstrate why I’m confused:

e1) We are the inbred descendants of pigs and monkeys***. We are also taking over the world. (??) What does this say about you dear antisemite/anti-Zionist?

2) Two Jews, three opinons. Okay, I admit we came up with this one, but I’ll bet the Jew haters agree. Golda Meir once quipped to President Nixon, “You may be the president of 250 million people, but I’m the prime minister of 5 million prime ministers.” Apparently, we tend to be pushy and bossy, ehhem — “stiffnecked” if one is speaking biblically. Let’s call this the “Extremely Opinionated Trait”; I admit; it exists. Yet somehow, around 4000 Israelis/Jews … agreed not to show up for work on September 11, 2001. Given our propensity for “lively discussion”, let’s say the memo did go around. Can you imagine the kind of easy compliance necessary to accomplish this miracle? Imagine the meeting. I just know somebody walked out in a huff and the meeting broke up after that. In fact, if such a meeting ever occurred, then they’re still arguing about the best way to implement the plan. Guaranteed.

3) We have taken over the banks of the world, yet we find it necessary to beg America for money to prop up Israel.

4) We are somehow behind all the wars of the world since time immemorial, yet we are obliged to lobby the United States Congress in order to sell Israel weapons.

5) We are guilty of “judaizing” the world while simultaneously taking over with Zionism, which is racism. Never mind that in Israel, I have seen with my own two eyes Jews of every color, shape and nose size, Chinese Jews, Mexican Jews, Russian Jews, Argentinian Jews and Ethiopian (that would be black) Jews. Judaism is also an elitist religion, bent on excluding and subjugating non-Jews. I’m not going to analyze this. I like to think Freud would nod in agreement as I walk away.

6) My favorite: We murdered Jesus and for this we must never be forgiven throughout all time. What’s interesting about this view is the assertion that Jesus was a blond-haired, blue-eyed Adonis, and most definitely not a Jew. No, he was some Aryan guy who wandered into the Holy Land, became a political agitator, claimed to be our king and then got himself in a heap of trouble with Caesar. There are so many stories flying around about Jesus; as they say in more scholarly works, space does not permit a more complete discussion of the topic. The really unfair part of this whole line of thought is how the Romans, who had a bad habit of taking over entire countries, pilfering them of their wealth, stealing pretty women and cute kids to make as their slaves, and who ruled the world with an iron hand for some 900 years, (making Germany seem a little silly really) — Rome, who crucified all kinds of hapless fellows during the same time period, probably because they had the nerve to want to keep their wives and  kids just kinda  … gets off the hook. How does that work? There are very few websites dedicated to the vilification of Italians. There is no known forged booklet entitled “Protocols of the Learned Elders of Italy” anywhere to be found. Please explain.

In short, we are both genetically defective idiots while at the same time evil geniuses. We are incompetent parasites who are amazingly capable of commandeering all international political machinery in order to use it for our own purposes. We are masters of the world, (and I would think it logical, if only by extension, also masters of our own destiny) who by the way, also managed to get the Romans so ticked off at us, that they leveled our capital Jerusalem and our Holy Temple. We haven’t seen one shekel of Temple gold or any Temple utensils since then either, and that stuff was spendy. Very annoying.

We did manage, after two thousand (read 2000) years of wanderings, tears, stolen homes and livelihoods, having our children ripped from our arms, (the Czar needed 10 year olds for his army at the time) men impressed into various armies, forced conversions, pogroms; after 2000 years of unimaginable pain wherever we were forced to flee from the last beastly horror show … after all that, we got a little tired of the rejection, stopped arguing Talmud-Torah just long enough to secure one little corner of our former homeland, only to find ourselves embroiled in wars approximately every ten years for the last 60+ years of statehood, and I guess that makes their case.

I think maybe if we had such a tight grip on things, we would probably have considered it in our best interests to have called off the alleged Holocaust.

Or am I the only one who thinks this way?

Footnotes:

*** Many of those who make this assertion, about being descended from pigs and monkeys, either enjoy an occasional pork roast or have a monkey for a pet. Then there are others who make the same assertion, while also laying mutual claim to Abraham as their father. Now THAT is confusing. Does this mean they think Abraham was a monkey?

‘The Jews did it!’ by Kenneth Timmerman

Debunking the 9/11 Myths: Special Report by the Editors of Popular Mechanics

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